I woke up excited earlier because I was anticipating for the seat sale of airlines since it’s 10-10. But while I was about to check on their app, I got a message from Ms Gay that her email to me regarding the details of the project that we will work together bounced back.

I was somehow in disbelief that it happened as I did not receive any notification. But when I checked my other phone, I saw a notification that my Google account was disabled because of a violation that was not explained rather they just provided me a link of their terms and conditions. I made an appeal but I got a response that they will no longer reinstate it.

Later I realized how serious my problem was when I was not able to access my blog and YouTube already as they were connected to my email address (actually most of the apps I purchased are connected to it.) Parang feeling ko naterminate ako sa trabaho….yung 10 years na pinagpaguran kong ipundar ay nawala na lang sa iglap…posible pala yun?

TBH, I felt helpless already (iniyakan ko to ng bonggabelya sa CR kanina.) I felt that I just have to accept the fact that I could no longer retrieve it. Actually, ganun naman talaga ako mabilis tumanggap ng negative news/situation na minsan ay hindi ko na inilalaban.

But I also felt that I have to move forward immediately. Thus, creating a new blog/website. And eto na nga yun. Is this really the end of what I have started 10 years ago or just the beginning for a better version of me? Haaay 🥺🥺🥺

But what’s worsening the situation is that for the past weeks, I’ve been emotionally unstable. I felt that I’ve been getting a lot of “Nos” literally and figuratively. A part of me is saying that I’m not enough to be flexed and chosen. I tried dismissing those thoughts but it kept on bugging me. A friend told me to seek for medical help which I’m considering already.

Somehow, I lost my enthusiasm in everything that I do. I used my solo travels to recharged and reflect but I felt I was just escaping from the realities.

I’m sorry that I used my recent predicament to share what have been disturbing me. I tried to veer away from negative thoughts as it’s not who I am but I have to accept the fact that it’s a part of me.